Written by Alex Hickey
Unknown date and time
A new introduction.
Very sorry, it didn’t occur to me as it often doesn’t, I was never good at introductions. So please allow me to introduce myself and no, for those mothers and fathers wondering, I am not the devil himself. Just a concerned citizen with everyone’s best intentions in mind, scout’s honor! I’m reporting from my shoebox office/ studio apartment in central Seoul, but don’t be fooled, the hot blood of a true Mediterranean man flows inside me and make no mistake I am about as Maltese as ricotta filled pastizz, accept no substitutes.
However, it is fundamental that you understand that the reason I was approached by this team of, and I stand by my comments, utter degenerates. They know, as with time I hope you too will come to understand, that I see through the plate glass window of our rotten society and understand that essentially, we live in what would be a kind of Marvel comic universe, with one difference and that would be that there are no heroes in this universe, only people who are slightly less bad than anyone else. A land where justice is set aside for the weak and the big players in the world watch over us from their office on the infinity squared floor up in their skyscrapers, yet sadly Superman won’t show up at any point. He’s over at Clique, dancing his ass off, strung out.
I don’t claim to be a hero either, in fact, as we speak, I feel my days in this crazy town being numbered as the paranoid locals scramble to their pitch forks and torches, I’ve already driven them all mad down here in Nogosan-dong and by the end of the time they send me back home in a body bag, half the country will be sick with anti-western fervor. Just today I almost got killed three times trying to get off the subway at the right stop. Us Maltese, and the Mediterranean culture in general, have traits that intrigue and interest the Korean people in general and they are quite hospitable and happy to host us. But this place was not built for me, when you’re running around like some mad scientist smelling like paint thinner and masking tape, people tend to get uneasy and who can blame them, but an afternoon on caffeine, soju and Cass light, (great taste, less calories) is not something that anyone should pass up in my opinion. And that there is the problem.
When asked if I’m here as an English teacher or a student and I reply with neither, the local young people get a sense of excitement that such people exist and when I tell them I don’t know when I will be going back home, they double take to make sure no “real” adults are listening. Because in a culture where hard work, purpose and subordination to a higher cause is tantamount to acceptance here, they WILL think twice at border security and immigration before letting you in.
Not that in Malta people’s sentiments towards me where particularly different, hated by most, loved only by the crazy, that’s who I am in the end of the day and I have no qualms about it. When you go about with crusty nostrils, looking like some weird producer, walking limp and offering people contraband cigarettes, it leaves people wondering, who exactly are you producer to? And that’s why I could never survive in either extreme. But you and everyone else need to understand, I’m here to torment, not be accepted, wild minds thrive in weird places.
But in the end of the day when it’s 5am and you’re in a place like Itaewon on your 8th €45 bottle of wine, all you’re really trying to do anyway is make a couple friends, ha, right, but in the end of the day who am I? Yeah, I write and yeah, I have a bad attitude about it, they called me out of a sickening retirement for this gig, and 23 and if that sounds crazy to you, trust me it’s more absurd then you even imagine it to be. I want to show the world how I see it so that maybe we can actual make some progress in some way. I wake up every day and am frustrated moment after moment at how difficult life seems to everyone, while I’m out at expensive parties with beautiful people and €20 drinks, not a care in the world. Cause I see the world around me, I am and always have been fundamentally middle class and always have been. So why do I get by so easily in life, hanging with all the real criminals around me, yet all my friends suffer from the shit put down on them. Once again, you survive and all 99 other die….
So here we are 800 words later and so as for my introduction, who am I? In short a guy who has played the society game and realistically, I’m sick of it and have chosen to study it instead of complaining about it. A true nobody, just out for a damn fine time, looking at the world through unjaded eyes and not pleased by what I see, but as we’ve mentioned before, this generation is fucked and I know this for sure. So enjoy young swine, eat from the trough of life and be merry! Why not? Malta’s coming up on puberty by now and I’m here in Korea, the place to be so let the good times roll, because Asian women will be the death of us all!